The return to Bucharest

A good night’s sleep. Checking out I have a last wander around the centre of Brasov and notice just how much the last snow fall has damaged the trees. Whole trees have been uprooted while the luckier ones have lost a few branches under the weight of thick wet snow. In retrospect, my plan to traverse the northern Carpathians to the painted monasteries around Sucavea would probably have ended badly in some snow-bound lay-by.

The Pub ‘Rossignol’ (reflecting the local skiing obsession) provides an excellent breakfast of omelet toast, fresh orange and coffee. It gives me time to write up a bit and make some calls as reality dawns. I join the endless column of slow moving cars heading back to Bucharest over the mountain passes, cars shuffle and slither in deep snow. Carparks ebb as families squeeze tearful kids into gaps in the mounds of ski gear. Back to reality.

An hour passes and the Danude's flood plains roll out to meet the horizon. The long straight lines of the highway from Pitesti to the capital are mind numbingly dull to drive. The rush of oncoming lorries streamed by no more than the threat of a double white line disuades me from driving and snapping fotos at the same time.

With some time in hand I look to LP for local inspiration. There's the graveyard of Vlad Tepes at Snagov though there's talk of a lake and rowing to get there and all local water has frozen impressively. The other option is Mogosoaia - a 17th century Brancoveanu palace and Ceausescu retreat. Reading to the end, the words ‘Lenin’ and ‘statue’ catch my eye. It looks like it'll be a busy final few hours.

Finding Snagov is easy enough even though her ladyship has been retired for a siesta as minor excursions are evidently beneath her station. It’s a typical village which peters in then peters out again. Not much in the way of signs for anything so I chance it down one of the bigger tributary side roads. This ends in a muddy cul de sac some way from the lake edge. I try further along bearing the brunt of numerous strays who run fearlessly at the car from all sides barking their heads off. Having dispatched a fleeting cat on the outskirts of Sighisoara and fearful of karma retribution, I ease forward until they get bored, trotting back to the yard they call home.

My next choice brings me to a small jetty shrouded in bullrushes. From here the landing quay mentioned in LP is visible. In more clement weather a local oarswoman by name ‘Ana’ powers customers over to the all-but-deserted church. Today the lake is deserted aside from a busy coot and a thin coating of ice.

Back to the main road and twenty minutes brings me to the Bucharest orbital confusingly signposted as ‘Centura’. I merge into a flow of filthy trucks and once white vans. Holiday season over, it's business as usual for the truckers. A grubby sign for the palace spins me north and lines of carefully planted trees and a neat wall precede another small sign and I follow a rutted track to what must be the car park. No further road signs, ticket offices or indeed human life. I wander towards a distant archway which opens into a generous courtyard. This could be Tuscany with its broad red-brick buildings and graceful arched balconies. Roman statues of animals, intricately carved columns and a pair of cannon are arranged haphazardly around the main building overlooking a frosty topiary terrace and a lake. A local fisherman punts a small barque across the ice, dropping baited lines through holes he scrapes into the surface.

Time to find Vladimir Ilyich. LP says he's hanging with the former Romanian Communist PM (Petru Groza) in a small garden behind the palace kitchens. I can see the kitchens which are attached to a spectacular series of old greenhouses complete with aerial walkway. Skirting around these I come to a small white church with a few rather elegant stone headstones. Graveyards have varied widely during these travels. The traditional Romanian cross is blocky in appearance with a heavy square block placed at the top of the cross. Engravings are detailed and quite unfathomable. Other gravestones looked more like telephone junction boxes; each decorated with black or dark blue tiles and topped off with a small white cross.

Still no Lenin.

A small lodge on the other side of the courtyard draws my attention; its brickwork seems a closer match to that of the main building. Perhaps that's the kitchen? A large iron gate’s been left slightly ajar. Squeezing through, I find myself in a large grass field and there, on their backs, head to head, lie the boys. All in bronze, Vlad, the grander ‘Impaler’ is by far the bigger of the two, dominating a fussy effigy of the local lad. Their feet, easily a size 50, have sprouted awkward steel rods, lumps of reinforced concrete are all that remain from the pedestals from which they were so rudely torn. Quite aside from their scrap metal value - all that bronze - someone somewhere must be caring for them as their grassy lair is well kept. They seem peaceful enough. Bless.

Disneyland meets NADFAS

Slept like a log so in fine shape for a wander around the glorious Sighisoara. By cobbled streets I climb back in time, each step further removed from the 21st century. Thick walls are buttressed with colossal stanchions, archways are wide but low, people walk bowed as they have done for hundreds of years, leaning into the steep slope. The roadway, long since impassable to all but the neatest moped, narrows and leads into a galleried passageway. The surface curves forming a central gutter with stepped pavements on each side. The form somehow draws the eye to the heavens and so the symbol of the city - the clock tower.

The painted roof tiles, the decorative clock face and the eagerly awaited hourly performance of the wooden figurines, make this a popular focus for cameras and excited children. I pay my one Euro entrance fee and start the twisting ascent to the balustrade of the seventh floor from which the views over the citadel and the river valley are excellent. Brass plaques note the distance and direction of cities as far apart as Sydney and Warsaw. Under the eaves a metal sign directs one’s thoughts to both North and South Poles. The ubiquitous small black crows wheel screeching, their feet dislodging snow from the roof above, startling the small huddles of Serbian and Russian tourists who have huffed and puffed their way up the narrow wooden staircases.

Leaving the clock tower I wander in a wide loop around the citadel with its heavy walls and watchtowers, all of which are in remarkably good condition considering their vintage. The narrow streets and precariously angled houses remind me of Prague in the early 80’s before it met the fate of so many cities appearing on Easyjet’s schedule – offering that cheap, no-guilt debauchery which has meant a real hangover for the city’s image. Stumbling into a small square, I make a mental note of the two or three boutique hotels which are very inviting. Pure chance would have delivered me here last night as I suspect it’s a maze getting into the citadel by car. I have heard that Germany is leading the way in making investment into renovation here and I am sure that this will be a major destination – Brasov, Sighisoara, Arges and some outdoor ‘action’ stuff. I can’t think of anywhere else in Europe with such well preserved raw antiquity.

A dark and slightly ominous covered stairway rises from the street and catches my eye in this, the birthplace of Vlad Tepes. Getting a good photo is impossible as a mix of tourists (all Eastern European – I have heard but a solitary German voice today) are taking turns to snap one another before squeezing their portly frames into the stairway for the challenging ascent to the church at the top.

The structure reminds me a little of the cattle pens we used on the farm to sort animals for de-worming or on market days. The thought brings a smile to my face as a two legged bovine in tight pink trousers heaves and puffs her way upwards, her husband’s porky fingers aiding propulsion at the small of her rather substantial back.

The summit comprises a graveyard, large church and some vestry buildings – all of which are shut. A little old lady is flogging apples at the stair head so I buy a couple and munch down again.

Sighisoara has plenty to recommend itself and will doubtless do well as a tourist destination in years to come though I’m not sure the staircases of the clock tower will last too long – the whole thing is a bit rickety and not up to 200lbs of touring Yank.

The valley is but a small square in the rearview within 10 minutes. Madam shows 50 minutes to Brasov and my last stop before returning to Bucharest tomorrow. From the quiet snowy hillsides, we drop down onto the plains in a set of rhythmic bends. Forests of beech are heavily laden with snow. Fresh sawdust on the tarmac and fallen trunks on the road edge suggest that some have collapsed under the weight of the wet snow. I’m glad I stayed in Sighisoara last night after all.

Once I reach the plains the sun makes its first full performance since I left Bucharest albeit already low in the sky. Cooling air blends into mists which hug the ground; the dark outline of the distant Carpathians to the south of Brasov lend a certain menace to the scene.

Passing numerous small factories and warehouses the ‘soviet style’ residential outer ring, a feature of just about every town in Romania, is breached and the buildings garner elegance quickly. I am soon in the heart of the town and find the biggest hotel I can find – the Aro Palace.

An ugly structure of dirty concrete and new steel the ‘Aro’ boasts 4 stars and the foyer is impressive in its hideousness. Checking-in breaks my record at a truly heady €110 for the night! My room is standard fare only nothing seems to work – it’s all there but somehow the final installation thing has yet to be organized. Should I return in 3 years time I’d bet good money that it still won’t be working. Dumping the bags, I grab the camera to catch the last hour of light and head out for the famed ‘Black Church’. The landmark proves tricky to find, despite being very big and at the heart of the citadel. Not least as firstly it’s a huge cathedral rather than a church and it’s not even remotely black; a bit sooty around the belfry perhaps, but otherwise a light grey. And not that interesting as this part of the city was a Saxon enclave off-limits to the Romanians and architecturally a bit plainer as such. Wandering on, the streets are lined with some superb buildings all the same especially when ignoring the garish shop fronts. Much time is spent capturing the illuminated BRASOV sign on the hillside overlooking the city – very Hollywood.

On the whole this is a much ‘buzzier’ city than others I have passed through– the people seem to have a sense of purpose, everyone is well dressed and new model BMWs and Mercedes are in abundance. The shops are busy and well stocked and the more pioneering of the international brands are making their presence felt – Vodafone and Orange in particular. Cafes and restaurants are everywhere – one of the finest looking buildings is home to a Chinese restaurant.

Medieval…again

Waking at nine I glance out my window overlooking the delights of Oradea. As there seem too few to mention, I opt for another hour’s snooze. Head Toyota man rings at twelve to say that the car is ready and that somehow the pumps had been full of diesel rather than leaded petrol. Nonetheless everything is back in working order. After a rather pleasant thermal shower – all the hotel’s hot water (it’s also very soft) comes direct from a geyser, I take a quick coffee waiting for the cab to arrive. We cross town to pick up the car from the Toyota service centre where they charge me the princely sum of 150 lei – less than €50. The whole expedition has worked out less expensive than I thought – it is only later I realize that the true cost was the lost time. I would say that winter is not the time to make this trip – spring, late spring would be ideal giving more hours of light to make the long transits across country between spectacles.

Lady SATNAV escorts me briskly from Oradea and we set course through flat featureless countryside first north then north east shadowing the frontier with Hungary. These are the Hungarian plains from whence (hereabouts) Attila the Hun. I read a biography recently – there is some Hungarian fellow who has re-invented the archery techniques (phenomenal rates of fire from horseback with the first composite bows) which allowed the Hun mounted cavalry to destroy everything in its path. I can imagine their short fast ponies slipping easily into the gentle folds of the landscape. ‘Good tank country’, I hear myself say. There’s not the fierce nationalism of the Szekely clan here (that comes later in the day around Targu Mures), the town names are closer to Hungarian than Romanian – lots of ‘Nagys’. For the first time I notice ‘Judenul’ on signposts. I need to check but where other towns simply show the name, certain towns have the prefix ‘Judenul’. Ceaucescu, obviously an acolyte of Jo Stalin, did a lot of dividing up, segregating peoples and prohibiting ethnic groups from mixing together. I am beginning to wish that I had read more on the history of the place in relation to these politics and relations with these northern neighbours – Hungary, Ukraine and the Molodova/Transdniestr enclaves.

My first stop for fuel (checking, sniffing, reading, re-reading the pump signs) is in the semi industrial Satu Mare. Up to now, the only productivity has been horse carts, sudden bursts of agriculture (the soil is a rich dark brown and seems very fertile) and the occasional modern factory. Some produce clothing, judging by the articulated lorries waiting outside – from France and Germany. I noticed that a pair of natty ‘Scarpa’ walking boots in a Glasgow store were ‘Made in Romania’. Baia Mare is next and there is a sense that this is a less advantaged area – no fast roads and emergent EU neighbours here. Much more the backwater. Soviet apartment blocks line the streets; the locals seem grey; the shops offer bland assortments. A McDonalds catches my eye; a burst of bright light amidst the drab. I realize that aside from crisps and chocolate (petrol stations are the new cuisine), I haven’t actually eaten hot food for 3 days. Getting so focused on what’s going on around you, remembering to eat can slip the mind somewhat. Not leaving and then arriving on one and the same day has the effect of depleting the appetite and hours behind the wheel doesn’t need much energy after all. A ‘Big Mac’ and the dreadful invention that is the McNugget (fond memories of Glasgow) leaves me feeling frankly more sickly than rejuvenated.

Pressing on, the road starts to climb and twist into the folds of the hill country above Baia Mare; this is the natural barrier which has kept the Mara Valley so isolated. This is known as the forgotten quarter of Romania and home to its medieval treasures. “Romania’s soul” gushes LP. I should have known better.

The road steepens dramatically. I hardly get beyond 2nd gear. Twisting becomes contorting, the jeep heels left and right. Abandoned coal mines and yet greyer people flash past. Villages give way to grand beech forests, a thick copper carpet of leaves is foreground to a dramatic panorama. What started as a sprinkling of snow thickens to a few feet. To the relief of a strained gearbox we breach the pass on snow packed roads. From the pass (1550 metres) the beauty of the Mara Valley is breathtaking. Capturing the scale of the scenery on film is a struggle. To the east a rocky massif, papered in snow, enjoys the last light of the day framed by rusty autumnal trees. Exquisite. The road is rather gentler as it lowers me into the valley. Deciduous give way to coniferous and I could just as well be on the approaches to Glen Lyon. The first village appears and I realize that LP’s understanding of ‘medieval’ is somewhat exaggerated not least as my edition is two years out of date. Understandably, locals living in the ‘stone age’ are unlikely to stay that way just because UNESCO thinks it’s cute and has to be preserved. The rustic scene is broken by split new boxy constructions, garishly decorated and littered with concrete pedestals, columns and other ‘furniture’.

Calling a halt to assess the map, I decide to turn about, drop back to lower ground and head east in a bid to make it to the painted monasteries far to the east. My route via the Mara would have allowed me to do this only via a route which is both circuitous and hilly and my gearbox is grumbling as is. Images gather of having yet another pump drama in one of the most remote areas of the country with no cute lady Police or Mr Toyota to bail me out.

I pick a town on the map which is big enough to have made it to the madam’s rather limited SATNAV database. Off we go, climbing back up and over the pass to catch a spectacular sunset through the frosted trees. I had noticed on the map that by following minor roads eastwards we could make good time along the escarpment below the Mara hills and this seemed to be what the SATNAV was doing however the sense that something was wrong began to nag me. Despite all this technology, I don’t think that one can ever afford to switch off and go with the flow as the flow may be seriously flawed. And I’m afraid my good lady friend was having a really bad day as we started a snowy ascent into the darkness. I stopped, pulled out the map and, recalling the last town we had passed, realized that she had gone nuts. About turn.

First pastDej, then back through my favourite Cluj Napoca, the amusingly named Turda and on to Targu Mures. This is mindless driving and perhaps the most dangerous. It’s not the odd horse cart or the drunks lurching down the white line in the villages, but the ‘noveaus’ in their Audis. One in particular deliberately tried to run me off the road as first a VW Golf (driven by a woman in whose wake I had been happy to speed along for the last hour) passed him and I made to do the same. It could have been that the inflated male driver was infuriated that a female-piloted old Golf had torn past him, but his goat was up and I had to swerve violently to avoid piling into concrete things.

Arriving into Targu Mures, I consult LP, which in that very polite fashion, describes it as a hole famed for insurgency and for those pesky Hungarians, the Szekelys*. I had planned to overnight here and then strike south to Sighisoara in the morning but the 50 km to the famed citadel seemed easy enough. And what a pleasure it was. The moon was full, the stars were out in force and a light fall of snow conspired to create a magical illumination around me. Fast curves, long straights and not an Audi in sight. Perfect.

Sighisoara was deserted and I had to loop around a few times until I noticed a bright red Hotel sign. The Hotel Claudia is a sweet place squeezed into a narrow courtyard. A bed for €33 seemed a steal.


* Szekelys is the name of the largest estate agency in the Marbella area owned by Christina Szekely, a Hungarian who arrived in the area in the late 70’s / early 80’s and became the Queen Bee of Costa property. Judging by her reputation, I can imagine that the clan would have given the Romanians a run for their money.

Cluj and that diesel incident.

I leave the hotel to the spectacle of the war classic – ‘Battle of Britain’ with Spitfires and Messerschmits battling it out over the Channel. I settle a simpler score with the cashier, load the jeep and leave them to it. The hotel, stumbled upon in the dark, proves to be very central and the LP gives me an idea of what is worth looking at. Last night’s skyline taster lives up to my anticipation as there are some superb buildings.

The main event in town is the 14th century cathedral. The statues of (a former Hungarian) king dominate the square and suggest the grandeur of the interior. Considered the finest Gothic church in Romania I can’t help but be impressed by the soaring roofs and pillars. Now only faintly noticeable, there have obviously been some beautiful frescos of which little remains although the stained glass windows are quite something. I manage to snap discretely and slip away for a coffee.

Cluj is more Hungarian than Romanian it seems and is famed as being more ‘sassy’ (LP’s term) than other cities. What seems to be a relatively humble café is deceptive. It could’nt get much more chic than this. Zebra print sofas, dark wood floor, funky Perspex chairs and gold rococo. The clientele are all the local slicks with attendants. Well-dressed and well served I think LP has got it bang on.

A long and winding road. The valley sides close in as I drive deeper into the Arsceni mountains heading west towards Hungary. Mixed woods of fir, beech and something similar to ash fill the spaces between crags. On the wider bends of the river small hamlets have sheltered many a year. Ox carts wend their way with high loads of manure. Dwellings vary wildly from quaint ancient to gaudy toothpaste stripey. Hayricks hold council between roughly ploughed strips of land. Chickens weave between the slats of old fences. Cut timber, a throw back to good intention or ill gotten gains from the local mills, rot in heaps next to clapped out Dacias and Trabants.

An abandoned narrow gauge railway keeps me company: we cross paths from time to time, my tyres slippery on the concrete blocks much favoured over asphalt in these parts. Timber and river gravel once flowed east from the valley to support the construction of salt mines of Turda.

The river is a sludgy brown, its banks lined with neat beds of ice stacked plate-like as if awaiting the release of spring. Recent floods have scarred the banks removing sections of road, gouging and swallowing trees and roots as one. Landslides have cut ugly gashes in the scree of the upper slopes. A dusting of snow only highlights the wounds. The forest changes as I climb. Conifers take over. The monotony of their shape broken by stands of Scots pine.

Temperature dropping fast and the SATNAV shows 50km to the main road. Less than a half tank on the dial. Better be on the safe side. A small petrol station appears and I fill up from the Bleifrei hose. I have driven less than a mile when the first shudder ripples through the car. Thinking dirt in the carburetor, I gun the engine and it clears. By the time I reach the snow laden mountain pass I know that whatever I just put in the tank may have been ok for a Lada but the delicate computers of the Toyota are in full rebellion by now. Overtaking everything in the gloom, I push on to get off the mountain before the engine dies. The contortions of the road calm as the engine scrapes along. In the distance neon lights become a beacon. By now it's as though the crate is about to burst into flame. I limp into the forecourt the last gasp of the engine leaving me tantalisingly short of the pumps and the promise of fresh fuel. A shady figure emerges from the gloom more from curiosity than camradie. I explain as best I can and a passerby finds a length of piping. I try to siphon out the poison but the pipe won't quite reach. The police make an entrance after a few minutes in the form of a highly decorative, English-speaking policewoman. Bad news travels fast in a town where I am probably the event if the year (2nd January aside). An hour later, numerous frustrating calls to the oily Dennis back in Bucharest and we find a recovery company in Oradea some 100km from the garage. I sit and tap out notes on the computer before a recovery truck appears out of the night. The small cafe, entirely empty before is now awash with locals who cluster around neighbouring tables. I start feeling a bit conspicuous surrounded by chattering* SATNAVS, chargers for phones, two actual phones, a laptop and assorted electronica.

Two excruciating hours later we arrive in Oradea. The formerly Hungarian town has everything even if a Toyota dealership is tricky to find. Spotting a mobile number in the small print of a showroom flyer we call. No answer. Shrugging of shoulders. What next? My phone rings. It's the owner of the local dealership calling back. 30 minutes later we've dropped the jeep at his service centre and he drops me at a hotel. Now there's service. Somehow I suspect the bill to sort the problem will reflect it...

First day on the roads...tracks...

Up bright and early for no good reason as the car hire man shows up an hour late…with the wrong car. Unapologetic and about as slippery as an leather coated eel could hope to be, we go a merry dance with my credit cards as he seems intent on getting cash as a deposit and imprinted copies of everything plastic in my wallet. I give him E700 noting down the serial number of the notes. My new mount, rather than a red V8 Cherokee is a black Toyota RAV 4 jeep. Armed with a SATNAV I streak past the suburbs of Bucharest within 20 minutes and head North West towards Pitesti. The road is perhaps all of a year old and the passing countryside could be northern France – autumnal shades of dirty brown. The only shapes out of place are those of the hay ricks. Resembling slender eggs they pepper the countryside often in clumps or propped up by stakes. By the colour of them some are several years old but they seem in reasonable condition.

Pitesti passes and swinging north the road slows heading to Arges – the true home to the man who became known as Dracula. Vlad ‘The Impaler’ Teres. The road strings out villages with only the smallest gap between groups of houses. These announce one’s arrival or departure from place to place. Judging by cars, property and general appearance, these are not people in complete poverty as half the houses are either new or else substantially repaired. Children race along the verges; sheep, goats and geese rummage the gap between the ditch and roadside; locals perch on garden walls and watch whatever is going by go by. Very peaceful.

Arriving in Arges I find an old church (LP has it down for late 14th C) but large locked gates prevent further exploration. Signposts direct me further north so I re mount and 5 minutes later arrive at the highlight of the day. The Arges Monastery comprises a 16th Century church which was sensitively restored by a French architect in the 18th Century and so has maintained the intimacy which architectural technology provided for in those times. The masonry work on the outside is exquisite. Passing inside, the cloistered columns, decorated in spirals of red, green and gold, are illuminated only by the small stained glass windows adding to the secretive fervor of the place. In the crypt a bearded priest administers advice and prayers to the trickle of believers. The remains of the famed fresco are barely visible as much of the original has been moved to a museum. The small graves mark the final resting place of an English-born queen and the famed Basarab who ruled the magically named ‘Wallachia’ way back when.

Despite the gloom I manage a few shots before the (I reckon self-appointed) warden appears and politely asks me not to photograph. I generally make a point of turning off flashes so as not to attract attention or damage surfaces, but on this occasion I have been unmasked as another tourist has been flashing incessantly….

Leaving the cocoon of the church I head over to the main monastery building which is more recent. The vestry shop is doing a brisk trade as a swathe of New Year’s resolutions means candles, incense and prayers all round. Two small barbeque stands at the entrance to the monastery provide shelter for the prayer candles. They are marked ‘Vii’ and ‘Mort’. Judging by the tired post-festive expressions of some worshippers, there’s hope that a nearby ‘in-law’ would make the transition from one to the other sooner rather than later.

Back into the car for the silly part of the day.

The guide book said it’d be shut. The road signs said it’d be shut. In a country where a metre of snow on the lower slopes is the norm, even logic said it would be shut.

The Transfagarasan Highway is 60-odd kilometers of twisting, rutted, rock strewn and snow-blown driving hell. When it’s open during the summer it provides a spectacular mountain route through to the northern passes of the Carpathians. Ignoring the omens purely and solely on the basis that a steady flow of cars was heading the other way, I battle northwards climbing to a respectable 1850 metres before a massive snow drift brings my expedition to a close. The dam-top road (Romanians do love their dams) provides a spectacular view over the valley and the view from the near-top is obscured only by the gathering of night. I turn around and career back down so as to make the lowland before complete darkness descends as I have no wish to spend the night nursing a puncture within direct sight of Dracula’s real castle at the base of the valley… Yes it is actually rather eerie.

Embarrassed as I am to admit it, the opportunity to take another short cut was more than I could resist. The map showed a tempting thin red line which by my reckoning would save me a couple of hours and a good 150km.

The road started off with an invitingly smooth tarmac surface before the first serious potholes started. Within twenty minutes the potholes had pretty much taken over and ten minutes later the tarmac gave up the ghost completely. Pitch dark, driving up a progressively steeper hill in a now groaning jeep seemed an adventure for about another five minutes then consciousness returned. I checked the map – all ok there but I had traveled less than 10% of the route and quick speed time distance arithmetic settled the issue.

Bouncing my way back down the hill I rejoined the road and sped south in a wide loop before turning north through steep gorges and along lakesides to arrive 2 hours later in Sibiu. From here, after quick consultation with the map I head for Cluj.

The first big hotel I can find is good enough – I check in and crash like a rag doll. What a day…

The party begins..

By early evening the first firecrackers are already shattering the peace. Leaving the hotel I walk briskly so as to reach the main square in time for the big event. A trickle of like minded people grows until I am being swept along in a tidal wave of families bearing EU and Romanian flags. Bucharest has come to life. Only a few hours ago there was hardly a soul on the street (I was beginning to wonder what had happened, now there must have been a few hundred thousand gathered around the stage erected next to the Intercontinental Hotel. The noise is deafening. The first fireworks trace the sky followed by the lazy beams of the spotlights. Speeches give way to music and then more speeches from some Italian EU dignitary – it’s all the same to the Romanians. They don’t much care who opens the door for them so his speech ends to rapturous shouts of “Danke!” Midnight stamps itself in and the world explodes around me as boxes of fireworks go off. Within minutes the first ambulance siren strikes up. Above our heads the balance of next years Romanian GDP lights the sky in starbursts of reds, whites and greens and then as quickly as it has happened it is all over. The crowds turn tail and return from whence they came.

A quick commentary on entertainment...

You can always get a feel for a country and what ‘makes it’ or ‘is making it’ tick, there being a subtle difference in these parts, by a little channel surfing. Romania is awash with musical entertainments aside from local versions of ‘Who wants to be a Millionaire’ (the Oppenheimer of TV – one big idea that causes cultural destruction wherever it’s deployed). There’s one channel called Etno which is back-to-back gypsy singing and is mesmerisingly bad.

Ever wondered what happened to your Granny’s frilly ‘doyle’ tea tablecloths? Well, I’ve found them. They’ve been chopped into dresses into which squeeze busty dusky women wailing and waving/flailing their arms all the while struggling to remember to smile. The genre requires that the backing singers smile/lip sync/flail too… and hold hands in the way new born Christians do it in the Mid West…and worry as if to say ‘are we still on camera?’ While the women do most of the singing part, the men do a sort of macho gangster thing with ivory topped canes and saxophones. Think of an aged, rheumatic Fred Astaire, irritable and unshaven. Combine that with a traumatized Nana Miskouri and then gyrate the mixture. I suspect the Turks are responsible.